Talk. Don’t type.
Voice-first logging. Just say what you ate. No scanning, no searching, no flat shame. The chore disappears.
Voice calorie tracker · iOS
A pig is judging
your lunch. Out loud.
You talk. He roasts. You get the truth: real numbers, a grade from A to F, and a pig who calls you at dinner.
8% off real. Not 67% wrong like the other app you quit.
iOS first
7-day refund
No food database. No scanning.
“the whole pizza. alone. bold. we settle up tomorrow.”
How it works
Say what you ate.
Say what you ate.
He hands you a receipt.
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🎙️
Speak it
“a big mac and fries.” That’s the whole interaction. The friction that kills every other tracker is gone.
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🔥
Get roasted
A real voice, savage but on your side. He jabs the food and the choice, never your body.
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📈
Get a plan
A dated goal, diet-aware macros, and one concrete tactic for your weak spot. You’re buying a program, not a counter.
What he lets you spend
The number is the whole point.
Why it’s different
Nobody builds a relationship with a spreadsheet.
So Chonk isn’t one. It’s a character you can’t stop talking to, and the reason you actually open the app on day 14.
Every meal gets a grade.
Not just calories. Quality, A to F. “Is this food garbage?” Cal AI and MyFitnessPal can’t tell you. Chonk will.
“Chonk, what do I eat?”
Stuck? He recommends a couple of real US products and meals that fit what’s left of your budget today, right now.
Left
640
Protein
48
Pick
Chipotle bowl
Fits
B+
He calls you at dinner
He’ll call you.
At mealtime, Chonk phone-calls you, so logging comes to you instead of you chasing it. Pick up and just talk. Decline, and he’ll bring it up later.
Lunchtime“hey stranger. missed your ugly face. what’d you eat?”
You declined“…declined ME? bold. I’ll be here. sulking.”
Every roast is shareable
Made for the For You page.
Every roast becomes a shareable 9:16 receipt. Junk meal? Funny. Clean meal? A trophy. Both bring the next person in, off-platform, for free.
vs the apps you already quit
Accurate-ish, but joyless. That’s why you stopped.
| Cal AI / MyFitnessPal | CHONK | |
|---|---|---|
| Logging a meal | Scan, search, type | Just say it out loud |
| Food quality | Calories only | A to F grade on every meal |
| Reason to come back | Willpower | A pig who calls you at dinner |
| What you share | Nothing | A roast receipt built for TikTok |
| How it feels | A spreadsheet with shame | A character on your side |
In the Red
+540over budget · in his book
Cross the allowance, and he remembers.
Chonk never yells. He writes it in the Ledger and lets the number go red. A debt to settle tomorrow, not a streak to lose your mind over. And the red only shows when you’re in it. Square up, and there’s no red at all. That’s the reward.
Getting made
Feel the value first. Then pay.
You get the magic first roast, then the gate. No endless free tier. A real program from day one.
7-day refund through the App Store. If the pig’s not for you, walk away. No hard feelings, he’ll just sulk.
Savage, never cheap
Health, handled with care.
The mouth is loud. The line is firm. Chonk roasts the food and the choice, and protects the person behind it.
Never your body
He jabs the food, the choice, the 2am fridge raid. Never your weight, looks, or worth.
Mild mode
Want the support without the insults? Dial the tone down anytime. Same pig, soft voice.
Safe targets
Sex-aware calorie floors and a BMI-aware clamp keep your plan out of unsafe territory.
Not medical advice
Estimates, not diagnoses. There’s an honest exit and real support resources (US: 988).
Before you ask
Questions the pig anticipated.
Is there a free version?+
No endless free tier. You get the magic first roast in onboarding so you actually feel the value, then a Day-0 paywall. There’s a 7-day App Store refund if it’s not for you.
Do I really have to be roasted?+
Only if you want to be. Mild mode keeps the support and the structure but drops the insults. Chonk never jabs your body either way. That’s the inviolable rule.
Does it actually call me?+
Yes. At the mealtimes you set, Chonk rings you so logging comes to you instead of being a chore. Max a few calls a day, he honors Focus and Do Not Disturb, and you can snooze in a tap.
How is this different from Cal AI or MyFitnessPal?+
Three things they don’t have: voice-first logging with no scanning, an A to F quality grade on every meal, and a character you build a relationship with, plus a shareable roast receipt that spreads on its own.
Is it accurate?+
Close enough to be useful and honest about being an estimate: “8% off real, not 67% wrong.” You get calories, macros, and a quality grade, fast, without fighting a database.
Android?+
iOS first. Get on the list and you’ll be the first to know when the pig waddles over to Android.
Let the pig in.
Get early access to CHONK. Be first when the foul-mouthed pig hits the App Store.